Heliotropes by the Lake
by TamashinoSuzume
Summary: There are times when Merlin isn't Merlin. This is one of those times; and this time the knights are going to find out exactly why Merlin feels this way. Freylin feels oneshot


There were times when Merlin wasn't Merlin. When he was quiet instead of sarcastic, polite instead of witty, gloomy instead of cheerful. It was at these times that the Knights of the Round Table were most curious. Just _what _could make Merlin, the most cheerful and kind soul, so depressed? Gwen had noticed it as well and had advised Arthur to cheer him up (there was a definite unsaid or else in her words as well).

Arthur and the others had managed to convince Merlin to go on a hunting trip with him. Without his constant complaints it was eerily quiet for the knights. Once they were quite a ways into the forest Arthur called for them to halt and they dismounted and set up camp. At dinner the men were boisterous and tried to pull Merlin into their conversation. Merlin had simply walked to the edge of camp and sat beneath a tree, silent. Gwaine was successful in getting him to talk when he began a conversation of first loves.

"So, Leon who was your first kiss?" Leon blushed at the question but due to the jeering of his friends reluctantly answered. Questions of similar nature were passed around until Gwaine asked,

"And you Merlin? Have you been sweeping any damsels off their feet when we weren't looking?" At that the most utterly broken look swept across Merlin's face and Gwaine immediately regretted the question.

"I believe it was the other way around. She swept me off my feet." The first words that weren't 'Yes, Sire' or 'No, Sire' that they had heard in over a day and they were curious.

"So you do have a lady? Well then, don't keep it all to yourself Merlin! Come on tell us about her." Arthur prodded not quite believing that _Merlin_ had a lady friend.

"She was beautiful. She was kind. She was mine." With that Merlin walked away, depression and longing clear on his face.

The knights immediately noticed the use of past tense, the pain in the young mans voice as he spoke of her. They all agreed to follow him, worried about his mental state. They followed him for about an hour until they arrived at a beautiful lake. Merlin collapsed to his knees before it and cried.

"Freya I'm so sorry. So, so sorry." His speech was broken apart by the sobs, his voice shaky and pain-filled. "I couldn't save you, I'm so sorry." The men felt as if they were intruding enough by being there and they didn't dare interrupt him now.

Percival shook Arthur's shoulder roughly almost knocking him over. Arthur turned to glare but was confused by Percival's wide-eyed and slack jawed expression he turned to see where Percival was pointing. There, a figure was rising from beneath the waters. It was a woman. She walked across the top of the lake and kneeled down in front of Merlin.

"Merlin." Her voice was soft and tender. "Merlin don't apologize. It wasn't your fault."

"It was Freya, it was I didn't get there in time. I didn't get you out and I-" She cut him off with a kiss.

"I'm free of my curse Merlin, so don't be sad. I don't have the guilt or worry that I did before. I am _free_ and I'm always here for you." They sat still for a few moments.

"Do you hate him then? Arthur I mean, for killing you." Arthur inhaled sharply he had killed this woman? This woman who was so precious to Merlin? The men looked to him confused as well.

"No, he was protecting Camelot and the many people I could have harmed in that form. Do you blame him?" Merlin sighed and rested his forehead against hers.

"From the time I picked up your body, to when I carried you to the lake, to when I watched the boat that held you float away from me…I hated him. I hated him with every fiber of my being for taking away you. But once you were gone I no longer hated him."

"Have you told him?" Merlin laughed, a strange unfeeling laugh that was painful to hear.

"And have him bear the burden of your death? No." The woman, _Freya_ they assumed ran her fingers through his hair.

"Then you bear it alone. Merlin I don't have much time left." Merlin clutched onto her tighter pulling her close for another kiss.

"Please don't leave me again." He whispered, tears falling down his cheeks. Freya was crying as well,

"I'm not really. I'll always be at the lake. Just- lets enjoy what time we have left, okay?" Merlin closed his eyes tightly and pulled her form to his side as he leaned back.

"Remember the mountains?" She chuckled,

"Yes, and our little cottage and the cows and the field full of flowers."

"Where would we be now if we ran away?"

"In that little cottage I suppose." Merlin laughed,

"With children. Three by now, all beautiful girls like their mother." Freya was crying again,

"I'm sure there'd be a few strong, compassionate boys as well. Like their father." Merlin wiped away her tears gently.

"We'd have strawberries every day. The children would love them as much as you do." Freya sobbed into his chest.

"You remember?" Merlin cupped her cheek,

"I would never forget anything about you." The air seemed to change, everyone at that moment knew what was to come.

They both stood and embraced one last time. Hands clasped tightly with each others Freya slowly backed away. Their fingers slipped away from each other as she fell backwards into the water, disappearing beneath its surface. Merlin's arm remained outstretched, reaching for her, for a while after. When it finally fell to his side he turned and walked away, a small smile on his face even as the tears kept flowing.


End file.
